Friday, February 29, 2008

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Artwork by Paulette Langan

Lets Get Sirius Fanzine

cover artwork by Paulette Langan

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Revisited: V Still Going Strong by Jaime Boler

Almost twenty years have passed since "V" debuted on television screens and found its way into the hearts of millions of fans. Despite the passage of time, love for "V" has not diminished, but strengthened. New converts have joined our ranks and declared themselves fans. Join me as we revisit the "V" phenomena and discover why the flames of "V" still burn brightly.

In 1982, Kenneth Johnson began writing a screenplay. Originally, it was about a fascist regime that had seized control of the United States, called "Storm Warnings." However, studio executives believed people would not related to such a theme. Instead, they suggested that Johnson use the arrival of aliens to show how extraterrestrials could invade and control the planet. Johnson had a twist, though. The aliens, called "Visitors" were reptilian underneath their human disguise. Here to steal our water and to take the humans back to their home world, Sirius IV. as food and as soldiers to fight the Enemy, the Visitors soon controlled the government, newspapers and television broadcasts. A resistance network later formed under the leadership of Julie Parrish, former medical student and Mike Donovan, former cameraman. "V" for victory was born as the resistance worked to undermine Visitor activity. Using themes from Nazi Germany, Johnson's "V" was a success and the network wanted more.

Production for V the Final Battle soon followed. Johnson, however, left the minieseries over creative differences. The six hour continuation boasted more action and more special effects, and veered away from the Nazi allegory. The character of Ham Tyler was also introduced. Fans were awed by the birth of the starchild. The sequel was an even bigger hit as far as ratings go than its predecessor, and NBC gave the go ahead for a weekly series to pick up where The Final Battle ended.

V The Series started strongly, entertaining fans with the rivalry between Diana and Lydia. However, after five major characters left the show, V lost its appeal. No longer the darling of the network, the show was canceled without the final cliffhanger ever being resolved. Through the years, there has been talk of V's return, but nothing concrete ever materialized.

That doesn't stop fans from dreaming, however, and hasn't diminished their enthusiasm for the science fiction show. Years after V was shown in the United States, the show came to South Africa. The government hoped citizens would see whites and blacks working together for a common cause. However, South Africans saw it for what it was: Ordinary people fighting an oppressive regime. V enthralled people of all races, genders, social classes, religions, ages and ethnicities. European fans were also swept up in V. When an episode of the series was shown out of order in Sweden, thousands and thousands of fans called to complain. The problem was corrected. If you want to see a fans eyes light up, just ask them about V and be sure you have time to spare. I asked these questions on a number of online clubs and received a variety of responses.

Read on...

What does "V" mean to you? Why does it appeal to you after all this time?
"V" is a fantastic creative playground, and that is why it still appeals to me after all this time." Joe Dionisio, California

"V" to me is just S0 amazing. With all the wars happening on Earth, it's amazing to see how everyone on Earth joins together to fight the aliens. It appeals to me still, after all this time, because "V" brings out things that are so precious to life and death-and they all still apply." Ilana Rapp, New Jersey

"V" tells us 'remember the events of the Second World War. It could happen again and no one's sheltered from being hunted.' "V" is also a great lesson of solidarity between people whatever their race, religion, and social class." Ludi, France

"It was the most original 'alien invasion' concept around at the time, not the 'enemy within' type or the 'technologically overwhelming' type either. The invasion mechanism played on our personal fears and inhibitions about getting involved. The aliens take over because our natural tendency is to look the other way when we see something we don't like happen." Jon Farley, United Kingdom

"1 saw "V" during my developing adolescent years so it had a really big impact on me. I learned a lot about the human spirit during difficult times." Brian Tosko Bello, Washington, D.C.

What is your favorite-the first or second miniseries? "Second miniseries." Sabine Friedrich, Germany

"'V: The Final Battle' all the way! {sorry Kenny) I am a sucker for a great romance."
Tamie Kwist, Indiana

"The first one." Ludi, France

"From a theme perspective, the original miniseries. From a storytelling STYLE ppint of view, 'The Final Battle.'" Joe Dionisio, California

What are your views on the series?

"I think the hiring of 'new' writers and the depletion of the budget resulted in the loss of 'V: The Series.'" Ilana Rapp, New Jersey

"Looking back I must say that I have a love/hate relationship for it. There are a lot of obvious flaws of course 'v' as a series should've been more focused on the original main characters like Mike" Julie, and Diana." Tamie Kwist, Indiana

"It was half-hearted because of the lack of budget thrown at it by the studio. If they'd had more budget, it could have been brilliant." Jon Farley, United Kingdom

In the end, who would have triumphed-the Visitors or the Resistance? Why?

"I think the Resistance. No one could ever defeat an idea." Joe Bratko, Illinois

"However, if it were real life, I think the aliens would have eventually taken over."' Ilana Rapp, New Jersey


"But who said things have to end permanently, right?” ~ Joe Dionisio, California

How should "V" continue?

"Honestly, I think 'V' should continue and end in the form of a final four-hour miniseries.H Tamie Kwist, Indiana

"V" should pick up in present-day-time with children of the Resistance carrying on the fight. If Jane Badler and June Chadwick don't come back maybe there could be some
reference to them being retired in the Homeworld or some nearby resort planet." Brian Tosko Bello, Washington, D.C.

"I think 'V: The Next Whatever' should be like the book 'East Coast Crisis' where we have a New York-based Resistance with people the ages of the original 'V' shows. But, 'I think it should take place in current time. And they can speak with our old characters to find out how things were handled 'back then.'" Ilana Rapp, New Jersey

"Why not go one step further, it is one hundred years on, we are technologically superior, and it's time for us to visit them." Jon Farley, United Kingdom

Regardless of what miniseries you like, how you think "V" should continue, or whose side you were on, may you always feel passion for "V." And may peace be yours always.

Preta-na-ma!

Passion, Obsession, Devotion by Ilana Rapp

Pas-slon - Function: noun, Date: 13th century, a : ardent affection: LOVE b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity , object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest.

In 1983, they invaded our planet. Our lives would change forever. The gradual, tense shift from life as we knew It to life as we know It now. Was It true? Was It actually possible to fall in love with a television mini-series? If you're reading this, then your answer Is the same as mine.

The love of the storyllne, the characters, the special effects-no matter which part(s) of "V• you fell in love with, the love was strong. And the love was real. It's still real. "'V" is ... our passion.

Ob-ses-sion - Function: noun, Date: 1680, 1 : a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly: compelling motivation.
In 1984, the desire began. One mini-series wasn't enough to give us closure. We needed more. But until that happened, our passion for "V" grew until It overwhelmed us. We talked-about "V” to anyone who would listen. We found people in school and at work who felt the same way. People who were going through the same thing we were. We, In fact, grouped together the same way the Resistance came about. We all had one thing driving us-we wanted more "V.• "'V" became ... our obsession.

de•vo•tion - Function: noun, Date: 13th century, a : the act of devoting b : the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal (as to an idea or person).
In 1985, the Quad "'V" Fan Club was hatched. My mother saw my passion and obsession for "V" and advised me on how to successfully run the club. Through ads In Starlog magazine and letters through the "V" comic book, the Quad "V" membership grew like wildflowers. I took on Patrick Gillease, a Quad "V" member, as my -partner. He developed Insightful ideas, and with the way the fan club was growing, I couldn't handle it by myself.

As the web of .'V" fans grew, so did "V" actors' popularity. Soon there were fan clubs for the actors! - It was great having so much support and dedication. The prominent actors' clubs were: Brian Tosko's "The Jane Badler Society" (See it online at http://hometown.aol.com/janebadlerfans/index.html), Katie Collards "Friends of Michael Ironside,• Other "V" fan clubs starting popping up as well, such
as Kathy Pillsbury's role-playing "V" club. Fanfictlon magazines started
-being produced, and the stories were greatl And around this time, "V" was becoming popular around the globe! International "V" fans were joining Quad "V", and the U.K. based fan club run by Dena and David Vaughan, "Resist or Perish," came into light.
Other "V" fan dubs popped up here and there, but the three that remained strong and consistent were The Jane Badler Society, Resist or Perish and Quad "V". Between the three of us, our "V" informational resources were at an all-time high. All of our members bonded together with "V" information the FBI probably couldn't attain! What the actors and crew were presently working on, behlnd-the-scenes inside-"V" information-whatever you can imagine, we knew. And we shared it with our "V" family. So much in fact, the actors and some of the crew came to know us personally by name!
Today with the Internet the way it is, it's more cost effective and quicker to share our "V" experiences online than through regular snail mall. The fan clubs' newsletters died out - but the information and love for "V" didn' tl "V" websites started going up, such as mine at http://www.mindpulse.com/users/lizlady and lase's from California. All of the "V" sites are packed with Information and run by dedicated "V" fans. You can find Unks to them on my "V" Celebrity Website.

September 2000, I was lucky enough to meet up with Dena Vaughan and Brian Tosko at the "V" Con 2000. The three of us in one hotel was deafening!
Plus, we were surrounded by our other "V" friends! Oh, and the actors and crew, tool (smirk) •.
With many years having passed since 1983, It's safe to say that "V" is our devotion.
I would personally like to thank aft of the "V" actors & families, crew and fans who brought "V" to life for me. And the biggest thank-you of all goes to creator Kenneth Johnson! - Ilana

What V Means to Me by Wendy Mills

In 1983 when the original miniseries came out I didn't watch it because I Just wasn't too interested in anything Science Fiction related except for the Star Wars movies. I was equally as disinterested in seeing V The Final Battle or watching the television series when it started. It wasn't• until a close friend of mine, Cynthia gave me a copy of 'V’ by A.C. Crispin and I read it, then later caught the two miniseries, that V opened up a "Whole new world for me”… a world of living ad1 moment as if was actually one of the V characters myself.

As I read. or watched the motherships cruising into position above all the major cities of the world, I was equally amazed, excited, nervous and scared as everyone else was. When John announced that they came in peace and were in need of help I felt immense relief and an overwhelming curiosity to learn more. But at the same time I was skeptical too ... something about the Visitors seemed off. They were just too nice…too normal… too human.

The feeling grew as the Visitors repeatedly cancelled their planned seminars with the medical profession, people often disappearing, and a conspiracy grew virtually overnight. I witnessed Ben being shot and felt Julie, Caleb and Elias' heartache and anger over his loss, laughed Harmony laughed and smiled when Willie smiled. I cried when Kathleen was killed and Mike learned of Sean's disappearance, was encouraged by the new friendships that sprung up between the Resistance and members of the Fifth Column. Grudgingly I accepted Ham Tyler into the fold, wondering how Mike and the others could possibly stand him, but eventually realized that even Tyler bad some redeeming qualities.

My courage grew as the resistance took shape under Julie's leadership. It changed from being just a rag tag military action of scared individuals to a disciplined unit full of courageous and determined people bent on re-establishing human control over earth once again sending Diana and the rest of the Visitors packing once and for all.

Not in the fifteen years since I first read the books or watched the miniseries or television series have I ever forgotten the unique characters involved. They are etched into the back of my mind as if they bad been actual living, breathing individuals who I had met once and don’t see often, but haven't forgotten. Nor do I think I ever will.

Nor will I forget the people I have met through rpg’s and yahoo groups over the past several months. You guys are the best and I feel honored having gotten a chance to know you.

Pictures of Jane Badler contributed by Brian Tosko-Bello

jane badler

Kenneth Johnson talks to Tamie Kwist about Directing, Producing and More...

Tamie: Can you please cover these three areas for me... directing, writing and producing for television? It is the "producing" that I am most unclear about, but would like to learn as much as possible about all three! And if you feel like throwing in camera operation/filming, I would be happy to learn about that too.

Kenneth Johnson: In television the producer is the one who shapes the overall project. He or she hires the director, hires the writer, and supervises the whole production from the beginning, middle, to the end. The producer is there before everybody else and after everybody else. So, the buck stops there. Most creative television producers are also writers and a few of them are directors as well. (In the case of a television series…) the person who creates the show generally becomes the executive producer and is the highest ranked person on the show. Underneath him/her will work a number of other producers who are generally writers as well. In my experience, on various TV series, such as Alien Nation and The Incredible Hulk, I have created, written and directed the pilot movie. And then once it goes to series, I become the executive producer and hire the rest of the team to help me shape it. The producers would help to work out what the various storylines would be. And then the scripts would be assigned to either themselves, or to staff writers, or, in some cases, to outside writers. Once the story is written to everyone’s satisfaction, then the writer goes on and writes a first draft of the script which everyone gives notes on to the executive producer, the studio, and/or the network, depending on those involved. It’s important for the producer, or the producers to fight for the things that they feel are important. And often you find yourself at odds with the studio or the network because either they don’t “get it”, or have other agendas that they’re dealing with, and it’s very important to hold onto the main vision that you started out with. I’ve run into that in most every project I have done. Sometimes their ideas are good and sometimes they’re not. And it becomes an exercise in creative diplomacy to try to hang onto what you feel is important, and what you feel is going to make the show successful versus the needs and desires of the network and the studio who are generally more interested in the bottom line (such as): Is it getting ratings? Is it making money? It’s a constant fight against art versus commerce. Once the script is approved for production, then the director becomes involved, and it’s his/her responsibility to take the script and realize it on the screen, ideally building organically from the strengths of the script and bringing the director’s own talents in order to enhance and mine all of the best stuff that’s in the script and find the best way to present it on the screen. That includes rehearsing the actors, getting them to understand what the points are that must be made in each scene/act of the story, and then deciding where to put the camera to best make the point of the scene. That’s the thing that I’m always asking myself, and other people that I’m working with… What’s the point of the scene? What are we trying to get across? Because everything that we do has to serve the play, as Shakespeare described to us in Hamlet’s Advice To The Players, before they presented the play, in Hamlet . The director is also responsible for getting the picture shot on time and efficiently. In episodic television, one has eight days, generally, in which to film forty-five minutes or so of story. That makes for an incredibly tense working environment where the director has to be completely prepared everyday, as he/she goes in, and know exactly what he/she wants and exactly what he/she has to get in order to accomplish getting the script translated to the screen. I formulate a very, very careful shot list which describes exactly what every shot will be, and in exactly what direction I am looking. And if there are multiple cameras involved, what each of them are shooting, in some cases, down to the specific lens. This shot list forms a basis from me to work from everyday and a checkpoint from where I can go back and say, “Am I going fast enough and getting the shots that I need?” It also gives me the flexibility on the set knowing what sort of the backbone my work is to be, but still giving me the flexibility and the opportunity to make those little inspirational discoveries that happen all the time when you suddenly discover a more interesting way to do it than what you had envisioned when you were just sitting in a room, and trying to figure it all out. A lot of things change when you are out there on the set. The director has to marshal his entire team and make sure they are all moving in the right direction as quickly and succinctly as possible. The director always needs to know what the next setup is going to be ahead of everybody asking him/her. To help you with that you have an assistant director, a couple of other directors, as well as the director of photography and the rest of the team. I always try to use their creative ideas and solicit ideas from them because they may think of things that I haven’t thought of that are better than the things that I’ve thought of, and the picture only ends up looking better that way. Once the film is shot and in the can, the editor has been working on it and presents the director with a rough cut which the director has to then go through and say, “No, you used the wrong take here. There’s a better performance in another scene (or) in another camera angle, (or) in another take.” And you sort of have to go through it literally, shot by shot and make sure that the editor is using all of the best material that is going to match the vision the director has had in trying to bring the writer’s vision to the screen. After the director makes his pass at the editing then, in series television, the executive producer or the producer would take the next shot at it. In some cases we would say, “It’s fine. Let’s leave it alone and move into post-production.” In other cases, you’ll re-edit the piece entirely, or just make a minute change here and there, to better enhance it, to get it down to the time it needs to be.
In motion pictures, as opposed to television, the director is still involved all the way through the whole process. And the director functions much more like the executive producer or the producer does in television and has much greater overall responsibility. Indeed, the title Executive Producer in film is generally a smaller, lesser credit than producer and is generally delegated to those people who are owed some type of credit because they helped get some of the money together or something like that. In film the producer is the stronger title. But ultimately it is the director who makes the motion picture. The director in film would also follow the production all the way through then post-production and dubbing process when the soundtrack is added to it and would even be present at the final answer print when it comes out of the lab. It is called an answer print because that is where you get the answers, if everything turned out all right. More often than not, in television now a days there is no answer print. It is done on video, as opposed to film. But when you are delivering on film you actually sit and look at the film with the color timer and the people at the lab to look at the film to make sure that it looks the way it is supposed to look.

Tamie: I am also an admirer of Steven Spielberg and Peter Weir’s works. Who are some of your favorite film directors?

Kenneth Johnson: I too enjoy Peter Weir’s work a great deal. I suppose my favorite director, if one has to characterize it that way, would be Akira Kurosawa, the great Japanese master, who created such extraordinary motion pictures. Probably my favorite film is The Seven Samurai which is his great epic about the samurai warriors. It’s a humanist piece that contains just about every kind of film making and emotional exploration there can be from action/adventure, to drama, to love story to true epic, all done with a sense of humor. If you have never seen it, you certainly should. In contemporary directors I think Steven Soderbergh’s work is quite interesting. Particularly the work that he did in Traffik. There was a wonderful sense of combining the important with the fanciful. And I always find his work to be very clever. Although I have only seen pieces of it at this point, I understand that Peter Jackson’s work in Lord of The Rings is also quite astonishing. And I am a great fan of François Truffaut, the French new wave director as well.

V Notables by Jaime Boler

Julie Parrish: From Medical Student to Resistance Leader

Jon Farley of the United Kingdom calls Julie a favorite character because “She is a natural leader who has doubts about her leadership skills. Usually leaders who can doubt themselves and question their own motives are leaders of the best kind.” She was so young to rose the occasion when it was necessary. The early leader of the Resistance, Julie did the job just as good if not better than any man could have done. As Tamie Kwist of Indiana adds, “Juliet Parrish provided a strong female role model.” Faye Grant as Julie showed even good girls could kick lizard butt.


Mike Donovan: The Camera Doesn’t Lie

He was the quintessential hero. Donovan, like other characters in V had his faults, but they made him human. No matter the hurdles he had to overcome in the TV movies or on the series, he always came out on top. With Marc Singer playing Donovan, it was clear that the good guys didn’t always finish last. He charmed the ladies, flashed that smile, and still saved the day. The only dark clouds in Mike’s horizon were his mother’s collaboration with the Visitors and his son’s conversion. Though he and Julie developed feelings for one another, this storyline was put on the back burner as the focus shifted to Kyle and Elizabeth, which was a shame.

Diana: The Queen Lizard


Like Julie, Diana was another strong female character, but she wore lizard skin. Brian Tosko-Bello of Washington DC calls Diana, “the epitome of ambition and power. She’s intelligent, beautiful, sexy and determined. She had a strategic use for everyone around her and was most consumed with advancing herself at whatever cost.” Woe to any who stood in Diana’s way… John, Pamela, Charles… she did not discriminate. As Sabine Friedrich of Germany points out, Diana “gets what she wants.” When Ken Johnson first looked into Jane Badler’s smoky eyes, he knew he had found his Diana. I’m sure all the fans agreed that he could not have made a better choice. And what’s more is that Jane is exactly the opposite of Diana!


Lydia: Green with Envy


Diana’s shadow must have been a very cold place to be. Just ask Lydia who was always second to Diana in matters of love and war. Old rivals from the time they were baby lizards, the two knew just how to push each other’s buttons. When Diana and Lydia were at each others throats, claws bared, Dynasty had nothing on V. Carol Duggan of the United Kingdom says, “Lydia was my favorite lizard, partly for just being British, and I was really cheering for her during her dual with Diana.” As Lydia, June Chadwick developed a real friendship with Jane Badler. The most we saw of Lydia’s softer side was when her brother Nigel, was to be sacrificed at the Visitor holiday of Ramadan. Many believe that Lydia and Philip, the Inspector General, should have been a couple.


Martin: A Visitor We Can Trust

Martin did not believe in what members of his own race were doing. So he did something about it. Following his convictions, the Fifth Columnist aided the Resistance at every turn, making Diana’s green blood boil. When the producers of the series decided that a catalyst was needed to cause he Visitors to return, Martin was killed. The fans, however, initiated a write in campaign, and Frank Ashmore was brought back as Phillip, Martin’s twin. Some of the best scenes in V are between Martin and Donovan as viewers see a lasting friendship that bridged two worlds.


Robin Maxwell: Just One Look and She Knew

Robin Maxwell was only seventeen when the Visitors arrived. If she was the moth, then Brian was the flame. Unknowingly, Robin was part of a scientific experiment conducted by Diana. After a strange and unhuman-like pregnancy, Robin gave birth to twins; however, only one Elizabeth, survived. Blair Tefkin replace Dominique Dunne in the role of Robin after Dunne was brutally murdered. Watch the scene closely where Robin and her family look up at the mother ship. From the front, Robin is played by Tefkin; however, Dunne still plays her from the back.



Willie: Far From Home


Willie was originally was headed to the Arab world but instead was assigned to L.A. Not knowing English, he found himself truly an alien in a strange world until Harmony Moore befriended him. The Resistance captured both Willie and Harmony, but soon learned he was not like the other Visitors. He sympathized with the plight of the humans and pledged his help. Willie kept his promise and became a member of the Resistance. Anyone who knew that Robert Englund played Freddy Kruger was never character because he was just Willie.


Charles: You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

The Leader’s Special Envoy, Charles captured Lydia’s love but became enraptured by Diana. The rest is V history. As a member of the ancient Sirian House of Raman, Charles was entitled to choose his wife. If she refused, she met certain death. Charles and Diana married, but Lydia was determined to murder her rival after Charles revealed he would not send his new bride home. Lydia thus put cat poison in Diana’s cup, and in a calculating move, Diana switched cups with Charles. He drank the poison and died instantly. Duncan Regher had a short run on V, but fans loved him nonetheless.


Elizabeth Maxwell: Everyone’s Favorite Hybrid

Robin’s new baby looked human, but soon showed that looks can be deceiving as her lizard tongue was revealed. Growing fast and shedding her skin, Elizabeth looked like a five year old when she disarmed Diana’s doomsday weapon and displayed miraculous powers, even though she was only a few weeks old. In the first episode of the series, it became apparent that Elizabeth was going through drastic changes


John: He Only Thought He Was the Supreme Commander


He was the first Visitor we met, known as the “Supreme Commander” But it didn’t take long to see that he was not really running the show. Unmasked by Julie at the L.A. Medical Center, John was livid but couldn’t control the bickering and pettiness of the officers at his command. In one of the best scenes from V, Diana rants and raves at John and kills him, with a young Elizabeth watching. Richard Herd went on to appear in some episodes of Seinfeld.


Daniel Bernstein: Served the Visitors Well- On a Platter

Daniel was a disaffected youth who searched for place to belong but never found it. When the Visitors came and initiated the Visitor Youth Program, he finally found where he fit in. The darker side of Daniel emerged when he turned in the Maxwell family, hiding in his family’s pool house. In the process, the Visitors captured Daniel’s family, and took them too the mothership. Serving the aliens was more important to Daniel than fighting for humanity. No fan of the Resistance will ever forgive him for killing Ruby. David Packer, in interviews’ given over the years, has pointed out that people still remember him for killing her.


Steven: The Man in Red


Never trust a lizard. But you knew that, right? Martin was okay and so were some of the others, but Steven? No, no, no. He wasted no time in wrapping Eleanor Dupres around his little finger. If you study his eyes, you can tell he was always thinking about one scheme after another. Determined to outshine Diana, Steven worked with Pamela to discredit her, but Diana won that battle. When Steven died as Tyler poured a whole packet of red dust down his throat for killing Eleanor, Andrew Prine really did choke on the carpet bits they used!


Nathan Bates: Hail the Chief!

Lane Smith was the smooth talking Bates, who headed Science Frontiers. Bates manufactured the red dust, but also made its antidote. Father to the rebellious Kyle, Bates was forever trying to coax his son away from the Resistance. A buffer between the Visitors and the Resistance in Los Angeles, he and Diana had some great scenes in the series. Poor Nathan! Entranced by Julie, but alas she loved another. With his death, the Open City Agreement dissolved and the Visitors were once again able to wreak havoc to the citizens.


Pamela: So Easily Ruffled

Sent to L.A. to hasten victory, Pamela soon decided that Diana was not doing her job. She worked to prove that Diana was incapable of handling military matters and had her confined to scientific dealings. Diana had the last laugh, however, when she shot Pamela. The actress who played Pamela, Sarah Douglas, can also be seen in Superman II.


Kyle Bates: Rebel with a Cause

He was a handsome, young, rich muscular- it was no wonder a mother and daughter both fell in love with Kyle. Best known for his trademark black leather jacket and motorcycle, Kyle and his father were estranged as Kyle went his own way in his life. He decided to join the Resistance, perhaps to get back at his dad or get closer to Elizabeth. Nevertheless, Kyle proved himself to be indispensable to the cause. As you know, Elizabeth won the battle for his heart. V the Series was Jeff Yagher’s first role, and what a good job he did!


Brian: Villan or Victim?

Brian had many faces in V. At first, he seemed genuinely lonely and fond of Robin as the human and the Sirian spent time together. When Diana summoned him to aid her with an experiment, Brian consented. Was it because he couldn’t refuse her, a superior officer? Because he wanted to please Diana? Or because he cared nothing for Robin? It is a tough call. Many fans believe Brian changed drastically from the Original Miniseries to the Final Battle. He seems more cold blooded in the second installment. Today, Peter Nelson is an executive at Sony Pictures.


Elias Taylor: The Hood Who Went Good

Before the Visitors came and up until his brother’s death, Elias had a shady past. A young black man, his character represented the problems that his race faced in an urban environment in the early eighties. However, Elias turned his live around once he joined the Resistance. After Liberation Day, he opened up the Club Creole and also served as technical advisor on the film called “Lizard Kill.” When the Visitors returned, Elias was there and allowed his restaurant to serve as Resistance Headquarters. Perhaps, one of the saddest scenes occurs when Elias, played by Michael Wright, is killed with a disintegrator.


Eleanor Dupres: Mommy Dearest


It’s hard to believe that Mike Donovan and Eleanor Dupres are related, but it’s true. Mother and son, in fact. Eleanor saw the arrival of the visitors as an opportunity to advance herself and her husband. Developing a mutually rewarding bond with Steven, Eleanor chose to side with the Visitors rather than her own son. The conflict between parent and child was one of V’s best. Eleanor, played by Neva Patterson met her end as she tried to play both sides when the rebels stormed the Visitor Legation. Steven was listening and shot her in the back.

Beginners Guide to Collecting Marc Singer's Movies by Tamie Kwist

We all know the man so well. He plays the leading man in our beloved V.
Perhaps some even find this great talent attractive for physical reasons, while others are attracted to his great acting style, or both. And from viewing Beastmaster (1982, 1991, 1995), V (1983), and Lancelot: Guardian of Time (1997) it is clear to see what Marc does best. All three of them feature Marc in the lead role as a hero. And not surprisingly, we get to see Dar, Donovan and Lancelot on a white horse. A mere coincidence? I think not! And how romantic it was to see Marc as Lancelot, one of the greatest romance legends of all time! Though Donovan and Dar are Marc's signature roles, these characters have many differences. Dar was born a prince with supernatural powers, capable of communicating with animals and rescuing busty damsels in distress. Okay, so Donovan rescues Damsal's in distress too. But Dar seems to be a much gentler kind of hero, whereas Michael Donovan's got that cocky attitude where he seems to take his sweet time in loosening up enough to let people get to know him. And even ifhe falls in love, he never completely gives his heart to his leading lady. He and his son are the center of his universe. Family is what matters most to him. While Dar, on the other hand, is the more vulnerable sort who wears his heart on his sleeve.

So now that I have pinned Marc Singer as a heroic type actor, I will move onto his finest performance of all time. Of course I am talking about William Ball's production of William Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew" (1976). No Marc Singer fan should be without this award winning play. Marc gives us his best. And it is not very often we get to see him in a comedic role. Marc's Petruchio is said to be one of the best of all time. Petruchio's prime objective is to tame his wife, the meanest woman in all Christiandom. At first it seems impossible, and even poor Petruchio seems to be in denial. No one believes it can be done, but in the end she pays him great honor and he knows that it was worth the wait. When I got this play from The Broadway Theater Archive, I had never witnessed Shakespeare before. At first I found the dialogue hard to follow, but caught on quickly, and then I thought I would die from laughing so hard. I have never laughed at a movie the way I laughed at this great comedy. If there are any of Marc's performances. worth having it is this one. It blows V and Beastmaster out of the water by far! And it is one of the earliest Marc Singer performances recorded on video.

Another favorite performance is Marc Singers portrayal of blind musician/singer, Tom Sullivan in his college years in 1981's, "If You Could See What I Hear." This is one of the few other of Marc's comic roles. He's a playboy who struggles to find meaning in life until he finds that special someone to make his life complete. He's totally obnoxious, a real attention getter, and best of all, he sings and plays the piano in this. We see a side of Marc in "If You Could See What I Hear," I do not think has been shown in any of his other projects. Marc Singer comes from a family of musicians. His father, Jacques, was a great symphony conductor. His mother is a pianist, his sister Lori (Footloose, VR-5) is a Cellist, and his brother, Greggory is a violinist. In spite of one critic's harsh review of Marc's performance in this movie, the man CAN sing, and has a beautiful voice at that!

For those of you who have been tracking Marc's movies over on Ebay, it is not hard to see which of them goes for the highest price, up in the $50 range. I'm not sure what it is with "Something For Joey," (1976) but Marc gives us an emotionally charged performance as Heisman Trophy Winner, John Capeletti. John is as committed to the care of his baby brother, Joey, who is dying of leukemia as he is his own football career. Whatever Joey wishes for, no matter how challenging, John is willing to take the risk. And the wishes he grants his brother leads him to win the most coveted trophy in college football. As we reach the end of the film, when John accepts the award, he gives it to his little brother who he insists, his face awash with tears, is a hero due to his determination to fight leukemia. And you thought Little House On The Prairie made you cry? Marc Singer will bring tears to your eyes as he delivers one of his best performances ever!

Returning to his action-adventure roots, Marc gave us some pretty riveting, bang em up flicks in the 1990's. Some of his best heroic performances included the roles of Paul in Watchers II (1990), Mike Justice in Street Corner Justice (1996) and returning as Dar in Beastmaster II: The Portal of Time (1991). In Watchers II, Marc's character befriends a super-intelligent dog. One scene in particular will leave you in stitches as Marc engages in a rather interesting conversation with the dog who outsmarts him. This is one of four films Marc did for Roger Corman Studios between 1989-1990. And it is also the third one in which his co-star is Tracy Scoggins (Babylon 5). In 1996's Street Comer Justice we see Marc as an aggressive cop who is willing to do just about anything to take down some local gang members. Mike Justice's sidekicks are rather interesting. He's got a former prostitute and an ex-con turned Christian on his side. Of course, there's also the red headed lady who plays his love interest and beautifully sings the soundtrack for the movie. Mike Justice has all those romantic qualities we've come to expect from a Marc Singer role. In Beastmaster II: Marc's leading lady is none other than MTV veejay, Kari Wuhrer. Set in modern day L.A., Dar must stop his brother, Arklon, from destroying the earth. The dialogue provides a lot of laughs in this one as does Juliet Parrish style hairdo that Marc is sporting. And even better, the film reunited Marc with V: The Final Battle vixen, Sarah Douglas. Sarah makes a great witch in this movie!

And there you have the beginnings of what would make a great Marc Singer film collection. Of course this is just a minute overview of his works. As you start your collection, you may find that some ofthese are out of print. Do not fear. Just keep your eyes peeled on Ebay and bid away! For a more complete look at Marc's film career, be sure to visit the Internet Movie Data Base at www.IMDB.com

Cult TV Festival 2001 by Carol Duggan

Last October I went to the Festival for the first time. Held in Liverpool, England, it was a three hour train journey from London. I confess that I was a little anxious given the reputation Sci-Fi Conventions have with the "general public". As it turned out very few people were "in costume', but it was a little un¬nerving to find myself standing next to a life-size Captain Scarlet. The Festival was based in a hotel that was the subject of a "fly-on-the-wall" documentary! Luckily it turned out to be the swankiest place I'd ever stayed. I had threatened not to retain to work afterwards as
I was going to run off with a "Trekker". For some reason, they didn't believe me.

GREAT NEWS GANG-WE ARE NOT ALONE

At the opening ceremony they showed a number clips including an episode of Diagnosis: Murder. This video was about a murder at a Sci-Fi Convention. Afterwards the compere commented that the costumes look like cast off from "V". I was astonished at the number of people in the audience who nodded in agree¬ment.

PREVIOUS FESTIVALS

The first one was held in a Holiday Village in Norfolk 1994. The videos on show that weekend ranged from The A-Team to The X-Files. Those with a lot of stamina were able to stay up until 2 A.M. to Watch V: The Return.
The following year ''V'' was again included in the Video Rooms. This time around "The Wildcats" was shown at a more civilized time of 8 a.m., after the final episode of Twin Peaks.

No mention of V in the 1997 program. However the Highlights video for 1998 included Eric Pierpoint (Alien Nation) who made several references to Ken Johnson.
All was quiet again until Sarah Douglas attended in 2000. Her interview was included on the Highlights Video. Also the Brochure included a full page article with her photo and a list of the V movies and T.V. series episodes. Oh yes, Beastmaster 2 got a mention as well.

SO WHAT DID I GET UP TO?

Well, the first thing I did was cause a bit of chaos in the Dealers Room. I innocently admitted that I'd never seen Babylon 5 and asked one of the Dealers to show me the pictures Lady Ladira. Some of us knew her better as Fredi Olster, Marc Singer's costar in Taming of the Shrew. Eventually all of the available B5 fans were consulted and NONE OF THEM HAD THE SLIGHTEST IDEA!

There were several Video Rooms and I got to see lots of old TV programs like Target and The Sweeney (two English "Cops" shows), Robin of Sherwood and one I've never heard of before, Space: Above and Beyond. There was an episode of Buffy and the pilot for Smallville. 1 was rather disappointed with the latter but I hear it has had rave reviews. So I guess it was just me that didn't like it.

The Dealer Room had a variety of merchandise with a huge amount of Xena "stuff'. I spent a long time lurking by a stall crammed with folders of photos, stickers, key chains, etc. Plenty of pictures from "V" so you can guess which Dealer got most of my money!

Of course there were Celebrity interviews and autographed signings too. The ones I queue for were Sarah Sutton (Nyssa from Dr. Who), Sally Knyvette (Jenna from Blakes Seven), Nickolas Grace (Sheriff of Nottingdam from Robin of Sherwood).

Saturday was Awards Night, with prizes for the Best of...and The Worst of ... in all sorts of categories. The Lifetime Achievement Award went to Sylvia Anderson. I was amazed at the reception she got, as I hadn't realized that she is the equivalent of royalty!

Sunday was Cabaret Night. The first part was the Delegates Competition. This was won by two women as characters from The Simpsons. Complete with yellow faces and blue hair they had a comedy conver¬sation about McGuyver! Finally came the Celebrity party Pieces. Now although I'm a Hercules fan as well as an all time V Fan , I had always thought of Michael Hurst as the " irritating one". This meant that I didn't go to his interview or his signing, a fact that I now regret. His cabaret act was aimed well and truly at his English audience. Starting with a Victorian Music Hall Melodrama and including a song from Jesus Christ SuperStar and a sketch of an Irish Priest giving a sermon. His Finale was a British Pan¬tomime favorite -Nobody Loves a Fairy When She's Forty. He later signed the Fairy Wings and donated to the auction. If you ever get the chance to see him perform "Live" on stage, don't hesitate. This man is a GENIUS!
It was especially nice that the celebrities felt comfortable enough to mingle with the fans, who in turn didn't pester the stars. Michael Hurst was able to enjoy his breakfast in peace in the same restaurant as the rest of us.

Do you get the impression that I enjoyed myself? You bet I did, in fact I was one of the first 50 to sign up for next year, even before they had announced any guests!
The Cult T.V. Festival 2002 is in October, as it is every year. This time it is in Southport a Sea Town and famed for the beach where the Racehorse, Red Rum, was trained during his record breaking run

Of being 1st or 2nd in 5 consecutive Grand National Steeplechases. The guest announced to date don't in¬clude anyone with V connections I'm afraid. However, 2003 is their 10th Anniversary and to celebrate they plan on inviting back guests from previous years. As you will guess, I will be doing my besUo get Sarah Douglas included on that list. After all, 20 years of V and 10 years of The Cult T.V. Festival, what a perfect way to celebrate.

Go to http://festival.culttv.net.

Unscramble Word Puzzle 1 by Joseph Berziga

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Maruva's V Drinking Game by Mary Radus

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You Think You Know V (trivia) by Jaime Boler

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Questions



Answers


Around Sullom Voe (Quiz) by Carol Duggan

There used to be a longing running Radio Quiz show in U.K, called The Round Britain Quiz. It comprised in terms of 2 Radio Announcers from different regions solving a group of extremely obscure clues to find common links between them. They were award points for finding the links, and bonus points if they analyzed and solved the clue.
I've devised a version of the quiz, loosely based on the cast and characters in V. So start thinking "latteraly" and see if you can solve these...

1) Who is the link between these clues- The theory of relativity, Melanie Wilkes, Rock and Roll and Miss Ellie's second husband?
2) Who is the link between Mrs. Bennet's youngest daughter, the film Best In Show, and Agatha Christie?
3)What is the link between these c1ues- The head of decoration and The theory of evolution?
4) What is the link between these clues ... a Royal Wedding, An Australian Dolphin and Mrs. Peacock in the library?
5) Who is the link between these clues- Three Witches (but not Macbeth), "No Sweet Dreams Here, "Son of a chameleon," and "Confused, you soon will be?"
6) Who is the link between these clues- William Shatner, "A Whole in The Head," "The Man In The Wheelchair," and "I'll be back?"

The World of V crossword by Jaime Boler

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Lizard Bait Maze by Paulette Langan

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Still Crazy About V search a word by Jaime Boler

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Last Roundup (fanfic) by Shadow

The Visitors had been clearing out the towns surrounding Los Angeles and if the resistance didn’t stop it, there wouldn’t be enough people to recruit to fight. With Ham Tyler's and his associate Chris Faber's help, the L. A. Branch had begun trying to arm, train, and organize the local people to try to fight off the round ups, but there were so many towns and they weren't always able to get to them in time.

Through Mike Donovan's contact in the Visitor Fifth Column, Martin, they1d received intelligence of another sweep & this time they intended to spring a bear trap on the Visitors that would make an impression on them. They were also going to have to move camp again, having learned early on the danger of staying in one place too long and they chose one of the recently deserted towns. Tyler and Chris walked slowly down the deserted street, peering between the empty houses which stood like mausoleums in a cemetery, firearms slung over their shoulders with the safety's off in case they needed to cover a retreat. It was as dead as an old west ghost town. Chris stopped and looked at his partner, "Well, what do you think?" Tyler, his face as expressionless as stone, nodded "It'll do. Let's check out the cemetery just to make sure." Chris nodded and they continued their way silently.

At the cemetery entrance, Tyler signaled a split and Chris headed to the left while he took the fight path. He was heading up the incline of a hill when he picked up the unmistakable smelt of decaying flesh and stopped, frowning. That wasn't right, these people were six feet down and even if someone had been recently buried, there shouldn't be any smell. He grimaced and exhaled sharply, then continued to follow the scent until it got stronger and then he froze, his face becoming granite. Two bodies lay side by side, barely covered by clumps of earth, as if someone hadn't been able to do more than break the ground up or just didn't take the time to real1y dig. What got to Ham was the child, a girl judging by the long, matted, raven colored hair, lying between them uncovered, as though she didn't matter. His jaw clenched and a vein in his neck began to throb, the only sign that the sight even affected him at all. He pulled his radio from his belt and barked into it, "Chris! Get over here." "I'm on my way" the voice crackled back. Before too long Chris was making his way at a run toward Tyler with his shotgun ready, but stopped dead, any words he might have been about to utter died in his throat when he caught sight of the tableau. "Oh, hell" and he looked down shaking his head. "Town's been empty for weeks and lizards don't bury the humans they kill." Tyler stated flatly, looking warily around. "No, but we do." Chris said and with that walked over to pick up a shovel laying next to the graves. He reached down to pick up the body, but as soon as his finger touched it the body jerked and snapped into a sitting position. Tyler did likewise and one hand went instinctively for the Uzi he carried as his heart seized up for a beat. Chris, who'd just picked up the shovel, dropped it again in that second and unslung his shotgun, but didn't bring it up. His mouth dropped open in astonishment, then quickly snapped shut again. "Welt, I guess that answers the question of who buried them." Ham had begun to breathe again as he looked down into the wide, terrified, brown eyes which darted from one man to the other and back again. Ham squatted down on his haunches and ducked his
head to look her in the eyes as he asked, uWhat's your name?" She simply stared at him, breathing hard. Then he reached out to her, but she shrank back. "How about we bury your folks for you?" he asked. She looked at the outstretched hand, then down at the poorly done graves and swallowed hard, then looked at his face. She reached for the hand and he helped her up, then led her aside. Draping his leather jacket over her shoulders he took off to find another shovel. She wrapped it tighter to herself and inhaled feeting safer than she had since the attack on the town.

***

It was early evening when they returned to camp and went in search of Donovan or Julie to report the location. Ham found them in the "war room" pouring over a map. Two pairs of blue eyes looked up expectantly at his approach and Mike snapped irritably, "You're late. We're doing this job tomorrow night and we need to relocate tonight." Julie laid a hand on his arm, "Mike." Then she turned and looked up at Tyler and asked hopefully, "Is this place going to work for us?" Tyler nodded to her,"Yeah. It's far enough from the other towns that the Visitors shouldn't pick up on the fact too soon that we're there, but not so far that we can't make a quick getaway." Turning to Donovan he shot back, "We were on burial detail" "What'd you do? Bury that old jacket?" Mike couldn't resist a swipe, even if it did sound childish. Tyler gave him a smile that would've frozen a lake, "I was thinking of getting a new one anyway, maybe something in 'gator Your friend Martin looked about my size." Donovan lurched at him, but was stopped. Julie was getting tired of the boys-on-the-playground routine "Enough!" she snapped, "We've got a lot to do and we don't have time for this!" and she led them out of the room.

***

Part of the group, led by Elias Taylor and Chris under Julie's direction, passed out arms and the Teflon ammunition to the residents and took up positions inside the homes while others hid themselves in the shadows between the houses. Julie, Donovan, and Tyler set up with the other half outside the town where the Visitors would be landing. “Elias? Chris? Is everyone in place?" Julie called over her radio. "Ready to rock an' roll doc." Elias's voice came back from one end of town. Chris came back to her from the other end, "We're all set here. The lizards are in for one hell of a surprise." "Good. Remember, wait 'tit all troops are completely in and they begin storming the buildings. Julie out." Tyler called to the fighters around them, “Any make it back to the ships, we hit em when they close the doors and not a moment before." "I just hope we don't loose too many people, theirs or ours, in this." Julie couldn't help feeling a little sick at the thought.

As they had been doing, the ships came in the middle of the night and the moment they landed, shock troops quietly poured out of them and headed into the town like a flood. As they surged into the darkened houses to drag the people out and load them into the transports, they were met with gunfire that ripped them apart and those that ducked between the houses to fire back from cover were likewise met. The survivors retreated to the vehicles and as the hatches began to close and the engines screamed to life, they became bonfires as rocket launchers fired rockets into them. One lone transport made it away. People poured out of the hoses cheering and townspeople and resistance fighters alike gathered the few injured to be taken to the new camp to be treated. The fighters gathered themselves and made to head toward the new camp.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Check Your Prophets (fanfic) by Jonathan Scott-Farley





*this fanfic was scanned and there may be some errors in text translation. If you find any, please leave a comment and the webmaster will correct it.

Far away from the capital city of Sullom Voe, in the middle of
a dry sea is the island of Woz. Now that the sea is dry,
'island' is a bit of a misnomer. Mountain would be a more
accurate description. As the tides receded, the people of
Wozport cut steps in the rock ever downwards to the waters.
Building their jetties of Wozma wood lower and lower until the
tides no longer came and the boats were burned. Today, to
reach the precipitous heights of Wozport, you have to climb
four hundred feet up narrow steps hewn out of the mountain's
rock. Wozport, once famous for its elegant cuisine such as its
renowned delicacy mammelplatz, until recently was a largely
forgotten place in the middle of nowhere.
Once men would prove their bravery to their prospective
mates by diving off Wozport pier, and swimming to one of the numerous jetties before they were attacked by the legendary
Murla fish. The famous Wozport dive became more hazardous the
lower the waters sank, but ardent males were sticklers for
tradition, and wouldn't give up the custom lightly. The
population declined.
Today the four hundred foot Wozport dive is into a
waterless sea, there are no Murla fish any more, but that
hasn't improved the survival rate. The dive is now generally
considered to be the most heroic way of committing suicide if
your prospective mate has turned you down. Others think it is
just plain vulgar exhibitionism.
There is no housing shortage in Wozport, and there is no bus service either. Old men sit on the veranda of Grakharl's Wine Bar and take refuge in talk of the good old days before these young'uns were in their eggs.
The young'uns were so bored that they'd hang around on the corner, throwing bottles at Grakharl's window to see if the old dragon would come out and rile them. When he didn't, they got so riled anyway, they would throw more bottles or find a corner on their own and practise swearing. The girls would sit on the walls kicking their heels just to see what would happen, or form into bitching circles and pick on the outcasts. This was a good game, you had to get enough like minded bitchers around you to be safe. One of the best at this game was Drognar, who was voted by all her classmates as being "the one most likely to be had by the leader." Unfortunately, at that point, the scribe ran out of room in the yearbook, and Drognar left for the bright lights of capital city with this thought in mind. What her classmates really meant was "for lunch". Still, Drognor is not part of this story, and whether he ate her in the end isn't important, but our glorious leader does like his meat well travelled.
Anyway, you'd wonder how this dusty streeted town halfway up a mountain could survive with no commerce. The answer to that came from the town council. The honourable treasurer Glik had been skulking in his home for two weeks before the council meeting, attempting to couch some simple words in accounting persiflage. His statement to the council was to be something along the lines of:
"Revered members of the council, honoured Elders and Matrons, For a time not below fifty planetary rotations, the town expenditure has exceeded its revenue, and we now find ourselves in a negative finance situation." Of course, what this really meant was: "Voted members, members who have a seat on the council because they did something heroic in the past that no one can remember, and egg layers. We're bankrupt." But to say it that plainly was a sure-fire way of having your head separated from your body. What Treasurer Glik needed was a nice governmental piece of techtalk, so for two weeks, he poured through government legislation for a method of saying that the town was bankrupt without saying that the town was bankrupt. He didn't come up with a word, but he did come up with a cure. "Revered members of the council, honoured elders and matrons. For fifty planetary cycles, Wozport has been in a financial wilderness, but no longer. I have found a solution to our problems, a new industry to replace the Wozport fisheries." Every member of the council remained quiet, not one apathetic mouth was raised in enquiry. After all, having work to do would spoil their routine of sitting outside of Grakharls and reminiscing. Grik continued.
"Best of all, this new industry will not affect our lifestyle at all." Now that was better, the matrons looked up from their knitting.
"All right said Chairman Phting, what is this new industry." "Religion "
"What?"
"Religion, all we have to do is institute a position of town luminary, and watch the money roll in."
"Ughh, that means nasty unwashed traveller's with geckos on bits of string wandering around our nice clean streets," said one xenophobic matron.
"Homeless invaders sleeping in doorways," said another.
"No, No, No!" Shouted Glik, trying to regain attention, "not
at all. We don't have to advertise our luminary, and we won't
lay on anything like transport for people seeking
enlightenment, and they damn sure won't walk across the dry
sea to find us."
"So no one will come," said the chairman, "no tourists, no
pilgrims, no one?"
"exactly," said Glik
"Doesn't sound like much of an earner to me," said the
chairman.
"but a Lamasery that's income drops below the cost of
existence qualifies for government subsidy. All we have to do
is prove that every business in the town is dependant on
income from the pilgrim trade, and the government will give us
all lovely handouts without our having to do anything."
"1 must say, I rather like the sound of that," said the
chairman. The plan was put to the vote, and passed
unanimously.
The next task was to find a luminary for the town. This
wasn't as difficult as you would think. Auditions for the
post were held in the town hall the following week. Many
prospective candidates were turned away as the auditions were
so over subscribed. The winning contender was Mrl Tilnok of
South side buildings. He had once been a Garla vet of the
third circle, but since the sea had dried up there were no
Garlas left. He walked into the audition room swathed in his ceremonial third circle veterinary robes which he had died black and painted the symbol of the eternal egg on.
"Hmm, " muttered the chairman, "comes with his own robes. What is your name?"
"The answer to that my son, you must find within yourself," said Tilnok.
"ho ho!" Exclaimed the chairman, and where do you come from" "My son," said Tilnok, "These answers you must find within yourself."
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, han Went the council.
"All he has to do is repeat that if we ever get a visitor, and that's sure to keep seekers after truth away," said Glik. Tilnok was awarded the post on the spot.
Above the town on the pteranodon cliffs, a cave was hollowed out as the official audience chamber of the Sage of Wozport. A hidden elevator was also constructed so that Tilnok and his retinue would be able to get up there quicker than the seekers, who would have to clamber up the steep cliffs in true seeker fashion, (should any actually come). Every shop visage in Wozport was converted to an establishment that sought its profits from the passing seeker trade. Pilgrim trinkets shops, painted souvenirs of the cliffs of the sage. Authorized eating establishments purveying refreshments nfor Seekers only". No trade came, no money was taken over any counter, and the government slipped them a big bung of cash to keep the religious establishment going, after all, we have to preserve our traditions, don't we?
The council continued to sit in front of the wine bar reminiscing about the old days, and the kids practised swearing on the street corners just as they had always done. For two years, the town continued in a government subsidised lethargy, until one day the chairman came shouting at the council. He was so annoyed, he didn't even wait for the sunthly meeting, he came right out in the street and shouted. A despicable display to be seen, especially coming from a council member.
"What's got into you?" said Glik.
"I'll tell you, shall I. You're stupid plan has got us a visit from the government's crack squadron of revenue inspectors. They have a habit of shooting people whose book keeping isn't up to date."
"What are you talking about?"
"The government inspector of prophets will be doing a snap inspection, sometime in the next two months."
"So what? All we have to do is look like we're running the town for tourists that aren't coming any more, and show empty account books. We just have to show we are expecting an upturn in the industry at any moment."
"If we don't get shot, it'll be a bloody miracle," screamed the chairman storming off. Glik clasped his hands together in true meditation manner;
"for miracles, you must look within yourself," he said, making a passable impression of Tilnok. "Hey Kids," he shouted at the Young'uns who were trying out a new game called 'Kick the Curb'. "You all have to pretend you are impoverished urchins preying on the tourists and seekers, or you'll end up decidedly dead. If you don't play along, I'll make sure you are prematurely dead! Now get to the town hall and we'll give you some roles to play." The kids showed how much they had been practising swearing and making gestures, Glik walked over to the ring leader who flashed his face in defiance. Glik picked him up and threw him over the pier rail.
"Who's going to miss a chameleon?" He said, "You can never tell where the little sods are any way! Now get to the town hall, all of you!" The children ran.
For three weeks, the town got into their parts. Tilnok adjourned to his cave and practised giving sage advice. The children ran around trying to sell pilgrimage badges to each other and the owner of 'The Seeker's Rest' had to learn how to cook again, very quickly ..
At the end of the third week, a cruiser fell out of the sky and parked in the town square. For two minutes it remained quiet while the townsfolk looked on wondering if they would end up seriously dead, or just marginally decapitated. The cruiser had emblazoned on it's side 'Sullom Voe Government, Prophet Returns Department." The hatch opened and Glik stepped up to make the ritual obesence that it is well to perform to any government official, just in case.
"Salutations," said the officer that got out, "I am Inspector General Garlik, and I am here to look at your books." One of the youths ran up to the inspector and took his photograph. "Honoured Pilgrim," said the child, "it is a shame to have to
.ask you for ten Krivs for this souvenir photograph of your visit to Wozport, but if I don't, my dad will beat me!" Garlik smiled at the child, reached into his pocket, then shot him.
"Now, if we could get on, my time is precious,"
"Certainly," said Glik, "I have assembled all of the business account books in the town hall, if you•11 follow me."
"No," said Garlik, "I'm not from the accounts department, I'm from Prophet Returns, I'm here to inspect your prophecy
accounts."
"My what?"
"I'm here to examine your sage's prophecies. I hope you have been keeping a record."
"Of course," said Glik, "we will have to go up and see the town luminary though. Would you like to climb the ritual cliff face, or shall we go up the newly installed steps for the disabled?"
"Cut the crap, we'll go in the elevator you've built yourselves." Glik swallowed hard and waved the inspector to follow him.
Journeying in the elevator with Garlik could not be described as being a relaxing journey for Glik, who felt that at any moment he might be embarking on a more metaphysical journey upwards.
"Why do you want to inspect the prophecy returns anyway?" he asked, trying to make small talk.
"To make sure your sage is not saying anything immoral or
illegal of course."
"But prophecy is prophecy I thought," said Glik naively.
"Yes, and prophecy that predicts the downfall of our glorious leader is treason. It is punishable with some interesting methods of Death we've developed." Glik swallowed, being an accountant, he knew nothing about religious book keeping procedure, he just knew about money. His only hope was that Tilnok would get blamed and shot for the absence of accounting instead of him.
The elevator doors opened and they passed from behind a curtain into a cave that had been soothingly decorated in the most livid purple that its decorator, Loxen, had been able to find. Glik wanted to throw up, the colour was so sickening, but the inspector seemed to approve. Tilnok sat at the end of the cave chamber on his luminary's throne, hands clasped in meditation.
"Greetings my son," he said, "you have travelled far, I am prepared to prophesy for you now."
"Drop it," said Garlik, "where are the books?"
"The answer to that my son, lies in yourself." Garlik drew a gun and aimed it at Tilnok.
"I said drop it! Where are the books?" Tilnok shrugged,
"over there in the drawer," he said indicating a Wozma wood bureau to his left. The only piece of furniture in the cave other than his throne. Garlik walked over to it and pulled the drawer open. Inside were two ledgers, Garlik took out. the first and examined it:
"First prophecy, ..... lies in yourself. Second
prophecy, ..... lies in yourself. Third Prophecy, ..... lies in yourself. Is that the only prophecy you hand out?"
"The answer to that my son ... " Garlik pointed the gun.
"No the long prophecies are in the other ledger." Garlik took the book out and examined it.
"But its empty," he shouted.
"Well, there's been no one worth prophesying for, yet."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Garlik.
"Come over here," replied Tilnok, "make the ritual devotion
and I will tell your fortune."
"Ho, ho," laughed Garlik, moving over and flipping his dorsal
in respect.
"You have come to Woz looking for evidence of Zonists, and
will go away angry because Zonism isn't followed here. But do
not be upset, when you get back to the capital city, you will
find you have been promoted, the leader has a new job for
you."
"Ho, ho, that's rich," said Garlik. Tilnok continued.
"Many years ago, the leader's scientists discovered a planet,
far away, and today, they return from their survey mission.
There is enough water on this planet to re-float Woz, and the
leader has decided that he wants the water. He has decided
that you should command his invasion fleet."
"What me? A prophet return's inspector?"
"Yes, you. Even now your promotion awaits you. This planet is
populated by a grotesque race of mammals who talk in a curt,
disgusting language and give themselves horrible sounding
names. Yet, the next craze to overtake Sullom Voe will be that
everyone will take upon themselves one of these names."
"That's right," interrupted Loxon, " he was telling me about
this just before you came in. I think I'll call myself
Oswald." Garlik pointed his gun and Loxon shut up.
"Always knew you were a fairy," said Glik.
"Is there any more," asked Garlik.
"Yes, you will call yourself John."

"John?" queried Garlik, "What a boring name! Make sure you
copy that prediction down in your returns," he said laughing,
"and 1111 see you in a few sunths when I return with the
device we reserve for false prophets."
Garlik left the cave, laughing all the way to his cruiser.
"How did you know about the returns books?" asked Glik.
"You didn't think I'd accept the job without doing a bit of
studying for it first, did you?"
"You realise that he'll corne back and kill you when he proves
that prophesy false, don't you?"
"It isn't false, I tell you, I've been studying. But I didn't
tell him all of it."
"What else is there then?"
"Well, the leader has only given him the post so he has
someone to blame if it goes wrong."
"Yes, and?"
"And he'll be shot by someone who used to live in this town.
You know, the girl who used to head that bitching circle. You
know, Drogna, but of course she'll have re-named herself by
then. Diana, I think it is."
"You're mad," said Glik turning to leave.
Well as you know, Garlik was promoted, and he did set out
in command of the leader's fleet. So he never did go back to
Woz. In fact, he never did get the time to tell anyone about
this amazingly accurate prediction before he left for foreign
planets. Except that is for his empathic advisor, Bragakah.
Bragakah was a very sensitive man, but easy to rile,
especially when he thought he was being duped, which isn't an especially good trait for an empathic advisor. One day, a sunth or so after the fleet had left, he decided that his life lacked fulfilment. He needed advice and direction, and who better to get it from than the sage that Garlik had raved about. Putting a sign on his door saying 'Gone for Consultation' he purchased the ritual accoutrements of a seeker. Cloak, thumb stick and satchel and set off across the dry sea basin towards Woz.
It had been seven sunths since Woz had been visited by the Department of Prophet Returns, and everything had reverted to its lethargic, apathetic norm. The kids had found a new game, it was called 'Whip the Wocket', when one of them noticed a tiny dot on the horizon. He pointed it out to the others, and over the next two days they watched it until it resolved itself into a traveller, coming their way. The Young'uns leader ran off to tell Glik. Day by day, the council stood on the pier and watched the figure approach.
"What do we do?" asked the chairman.
"The same as last time," replied Glik
"But he might be from the good sage guide" said the chairman, "if he is, we'll never get any peace."
"Then again, he might be a government spy, checking up on us. We'll just have to play it by tongue," said Glik.
Two days later Bragakah started to ascend the steps of Woz. In his journey across the dry sea, he had broken three fingers, and had set them himself. He had even wandered into a crivit patch, losing a few bites from his dorsal. When he reached the town centre, he was assaulted by urchins trying to sell him pilgrimage badges, and restaurateurs trying to force Mammalplatz on him. Bragakah ignored them all, walked to the rock face of pteranadon cliffs and began to climb. Up he journeyed, all day, pausing only on a rocky outcrop for some Grola Grass sandwiches before continuing to the cave. At twenty past dinner, he arrived, and panting heavily, entered.
Tilnok, sat in meditation on his throne, in calm reverie.
Glik stood behind, (they had used the elevator).
"You have journeyed far my son, I am ready to prophesy." Bragakah flipped what was left of his dorsal in the religious sign of respect and said;
"Oh wise one, my life lacks fulfilment. I need direction. Please tell me why I am here? What is the meaning of life?" "The answer to that, my son, lies in yourself," replied Tilnok.
"I don't believe it," cried Bragakah, his temper rising, "What did you say?"
"I said, the answer, my son, lies in yourself." Bragakah was not amused.
"I have journeyed for eight sunths across the dry sea, lost part of my dorsal to a Crivit, broken three of my fingers, and you give me that piece of Rex Shit! Tell me the meaning of life now, or I break this thumb stick over your revered ass!" "OK, OK!" said Tilnok, "You are forcing this out of me. The truth is that the meaning of life can not be found here." Bragakah stood up menacing his stick. Tilnok raised a hand in pacification. "But I can tell you where the meaning may be found."
Bragakah fell to his knees,
"Tell me oh wise one where I may find this truth."
"I hesitated in telling you because it is such an arduous
journey."
"No matter, I need to know."
"Very well. On the planet our leader has sent the fleet to,
there is a wretched land of ice and snow, and there on one
mountain top there is a tree which blooms once every hundred
years, when the snows melt. If you taste of this flower, you
will know the meaning of life. But to taste this bloom, you
have to avoid the giant creatures with vicious claws that roam
the land, and defeat the tribe who protect the tree. If you do
this, you will know the meaning of life."
"Revered sage," said Bragakah, "I will set out on this journey
today, I will find the meaning of life, or death will overtake
me in the trying."
Bragakah crawled back down the slope and set out over the dry sea back to capital city.
"What did you say that rubbish for?" asked Glik.
"He threatened me, didn't you see? Anyway, prophecy under
duress isn't lawful."
"You're getting good at this sage stuff, arenlt you."
"I try my best. Its just a pity that sometimes it is easier
for people to swallow a load of raptor dung than it is to
swallow the truth. The 'in yourself' is the only answer to
that question." Tilnok sighed and got in the elevator to go
home.
Now as it happens, it doesn't matter whether the quest he gave Bragakah was true or false, (it was false actually, but Bragakah never found out. The red dust got him first). The prophecy still did the damage that Wozport feared. Bragakah returned to capital city and before embarking on his quest to Earth, he told everyone about Garlik's true prediction and the perilous quest he was going on by the direction of this most revered of sages. The listeners told other listeners, until the whole of capital city was talking about the sage of Wozport. Seekers began to journey for advice, and when Tilnok gave one of his long predictions, it was generally accurate (he'd been practising). These seekers told other seekers until every seeker of truth was setting out to hear the wise words of the sage, which only goes to show that from a very small investment, you can get enormous prophets.
The citizens of Wozport never managed to regain their lethargic parochial life, Wozport became too busy with pilgrims and tourists, but it didn't really matter because most of them made a killing selling sucker bait to the gullible. No one noticed when the government withdrew their subsidy either, or even when they started taxing them, heavily. And that is how the little town of Wozport became the religious capital of Sullom Voe. If you stand on Wozport pier at night, the whole of the dry sea is illuminated by pilgrim campfires, and if the wind is in your direction, you might catch a sniff of the Wozma wood burning and the odour of roasting Grola Grass. On the other hand, if the wind is still, you can hear the faint strains of camp fire singsongs that the seekers of truth indulge in when they bed down for the night. Those classic pilgrimage songs that every child now learns in class such as "The Wozport sage has news for me." or "We're off to see the Lizard, the wonderful Lizard of Woz."

Rebel Without a Clue (fanfic) by Jonathan Scott-Farley

"this fanfic was scanned and there may be some glitches in text translation... if you find any leave a comment and the webmaster will fix it"


Diana was pissed off! Her mothership was parked again behind Earth's moon while she tried to dream up some kind of a cure for the red dust. She sure as Algul wasn't going to go back to the homeworld in disgrace, that would only lead to execution. She would have to stay here until she managed to solve the problem, then the leader would be pleased with her again. Diana poured through the scientific journals that had recently arrived from the homeworld, Especially the latest piece from the professor of chronology. Reading between the lines, she realized that he had been holding out on the leader. His latest piece on attenuation field technology was more revealing of his achievements to date than perhaps he had intended. Diana quickly tapped out a message to the leader. "Send Professor Ensenstrom to me immediately, very important.
Elikashions and mice, Drogna." Diana returned to her reading.

Professor Ensenstrom was dozing happily in his campus office, while school life continued its hectic processes around him. One of the good things about being professor of Chronology was that should anyone catch .him napping while he was supposed to be working, he could always say that he was deep into applying the mathematics of time travel to the physical world (in his mind of course). Everyone knew that time travel was possible mathematically, but applying the knowledge in the physical world was the difficult bit, so wandering around looking as though you were half asleep came with the teritory. Ensenstrom had published several works on the subject, had instantly become the most renowned chronologist on the horne world and consequently could spend a great deal of time asleep at his desk. If the truth must be told, Ensenstrom had gone a lot further. He had actually built a time machine, just in case the leader challenged him to produce something, but he wasn't going to show it unless he was in mortal danger. The consequences might not even justify that risk. Most people on the home world believed that a time machine would be some bulky box like structure that you sat in, to be whisked into the past, future, or alternative present, thanks to all the spoof adventures on Sullomvision. Actually, the machine was small, crystal like and was disguised at the moment as a fancy clock paperweight on his desk. All you needed to do to make it work was connect it to the vehicle you wanted to push through time and allow it to generate the attenuation field that temporarily displaced it from real spacetime. The professor dozed on in a feeling of security that was soon to be shattered, and it wasn't because he was a secret Zonist. His communicator beeped for attention disturbing his fitful slumber, it was incredible how comfortable the sayings of the prophet Algul was as a pillow.

"Professor," said the voice, "you will report immediately to
the shuttle bound for Earth. Your lectures have been cancelled
until you return. "

When Ensenstrom arrived on the sentry mothership, he was
escorted to his compartment by a guard. Rather than bother
with washing, he sloughed a layer of skin and threw it down
the disposal chute. Placing the time machine by his bed, he
went off in search of Drogna.

"Why did you have me brought here?" he demanded.

"Because I have a job for you." retorted Diana.

"What could I possibly do for you?"

"I want you to build me a time machine, of course."

"Assuming that I can actually build one, what would you do
with it?"

"We are at a bit of an impasse with Earth. We can't go there
because of the red dust, which according to my information was
developed from a hybrid bacteria in the Maxwell child."

"So what do you want with a time machine then?"

"I want to go back and stop Brian from making love to Robin
Maxwell. Then the red dust will never be developed."

"Time may not allow such rewrites," said Ensenstrom, "besides,
I may not be able to make one."

"I think," said Diana, "you are nearer to producing one than
you would like the leader to know. I wonder why?" Ensenstrom
swallowed hard, thinking of the completed unit in his room.

"I will certainly try, but it is mostly theory, it may not
work."

"It had better, for your sake."

"I will of course have requirements."

"No doubt. Draw up a list, and I will see to them." Ensenstrom returned to his quarters. How could he possibly give his masterpiece to this woman? he would have to work out a plan, but that shouldn't be difficult. After all, he was a theoretical mathematician of the inner circle, with qualifications in physics, psychology, and a few other subjects he had forgotten over the years. He needed to reduce the number of potential opponents for a start. It was bad enough having to deal with that social climbing woman Drogna. Ensenstrom sat down on his bed, pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, and began to scribble.

The following day,' he went to seek out Drogna. The woman sat back in her chair with feigned resignation.

"I suppose you have an exorbitant list of demands" she said. " Not a very long one, " he replied, "first, 1 need complete access to the mothership's master control in order to install the attenuation circuit should I complete it, that is."

"Not granted," replied Drogna, "but I'll give you level two
access."

"I need complete access"

"Level two is all you get, what's next?"

"I want everyone except those directly involved with the project evacuated from the mothership."

"Impossible," said Drogna.

"Without this, I am afraid we can't continue with the project. I'm concerned with security. suppose we have fifth columnists on the ship, they might try to sabotage my work."

"I do have an alternative solution to these problems, but continue for the moment."

"I need a laboratory, not too far from the mothership bridge."

"Why?"

"Because if I succeed, I intend to shunt the whole ship backwards through time."

"That I will grant you, everything else is denied. Was there anything else you wanted?"

"No, that should do."

"Fine, I'll see what I can do."

The following day, Ensenstrom was installed in a new laboratory next to the bridge. He spent his first morning using the lab's mini-m~nufactory to build coil sets, and began to assemble part two of his plan, a little black hole generator that would in a nanosecond vaporise the bridge of the sentry ship, just in case things didn't work out his way. About lunchtime, he needed to get something from his cabin and walked out into the corridor to find a guard blocking his way. "Out of my way," demanded Ensenstrom.

"Not until the end of your shift, go back to work" Ensenstrom went back to work, and spent the afternoon seeing how many different materials he could make field retention coils out of. A totally useless occupation, but it kept him amused for hours. He was particularly satisfied with those that used Wozma wood as their drums.

At about quarter past dinner, Drogna walked in to examine his progress, and stared at the immense number of coils stacked up against the wall.

"Enjoying yourself?" she said caustically,

"Can't think when I have been happier," he replied.

"I have been thinking abut your request to evacuate the ship of all personnel. I have decided for the security of the project, to reduce the crew to a minimum of the bridge crew and James's regiment of fighters. I have ordered another mothership to come and remove all of the nonessential personnel. I will of course supervise the project from there too. "

"Of course," replied Ensenstrom sarcastically.

"When you have completed the project, you will take James and his regiment back in time to before the fleet arrival, and he will ensure that Brian and Robin do not create the starchild."

"And if I don't?"

"You have a finite amount of time to complete your task, if you don't, then my other plan will at least ensure the humans won't win. I have set the ship's Domesday device to explode the day after tomorrow when the moon is perfectly between the earth and the sun. The explosion will vaporise half of the moon's surface, and the sun's rays will push the dust into Earth's atmosphere, causing a new ice age. If you don't complete the project, then you will be part of that explosion."

"And if I do manage to complete it?"

"Then I will transmit the disarming code to James." Drogna turned to leave, "You have thirty hours." she said, closing the door

This was a blow. Thirty hours before yet another planet fell prey to this social climber, and with only level two access, he would not be able to disarm the device. What to do?

Ensenstrom started running control cabling from the bridge to the laboratory when the mothership had been evacuated, and got the bridge crew and James's soldiers running around the ship installing the field retention coils . He had to save this planet from the leader and that woman. He couldn't disarm the device, but his security access did allow him to move the ship. If he tried to move it to a place where it wouldn't do any harm however, Drogna would detonate the device before he had gone an inch. On the other hand, if he moved it to another time, Drogna wouldn't be able to transmit the code to the ship. It would blow up, there was no doubt of that, but if Ensenstrom could move it to somewhere safe, in space and time, at least he would have been able to protect one planet. There was nothing for it, he would have to use the time machine. Ensenstrom walked back to his cabin to get a book, trailed discreetly by James and four of his soldiers.

Ensenstrom entered his cabin and laid down on his rock. He couldn't move the ship forward in time, because Drogna would just catch up by coming the long way round, so he had to go where she couldn't follow, The past.

After a refreshing nap, Ensenstrom dressed himself and prepared for the task ahead. He slipped the time machine into his pocket, and left for his laboratory. Outside the door, James was slouching in the corridor, the other soldiers had gone to find something more interesting to do. James's pseudoskin always looked baggy on him, like an ill-fitting suit, and it's fair complexion didn't react well to his love of sun
lamps.

"You have another twenty hours," said James, "I will of course leave the ship at least an hour before detonation, so I need to know if you have done it before then." Ensenstrom shrugged and walked off down the corridor to his lab.

"Don't think you're going anywhere," he muttered under his breath. James followed him at a discrete distance, as usual.

Entering the lab, Ensenstrom locked the door to ensure against interruption, pulled the time machine from his pocket, and began to connect it to the control unit he had rigged up.

In no time, the device was ready, The only place he could go was the past, then he needed to find some open space so that the explosion didn't harm anything. About a hundred million years back should do it. Ensenstrom fed the time into his machine, and hit the activate button. The whole ship shuddered as it lurched itself into attenuated space. Ensenstrom looked approvingly at the machine's dial which indicated a speed of one hundred and twenty years per hour and accelerating. There was a bang, and the door collapsed from its runners under the force of the infinite-death cannon James held in his hands. "What's going on?" he shouted.

"You're too late," laughed Ensenstrom, "we're going back at over three years a minute. If we stop now, you'll have to wait ten years for the fleet to arrive!".

"Algul!" shouted James, pointing his cannon at the time machine and pulling the trigger. The crystal clock disappeared in a plume of glasslike dust. Ensenstrom laughed. The controller may have been broken, but the ship was still travelling backwards at an ever increasing speed.

"No one is going to abuse my invention," he shouted. James turned round and started running to the bridge. This time it was Ensenstrom's turn to follow. James sat down at the flight controls and started the sequence to break orbit. The ship lurched again in its attenuation field and James brought it out from behind the moon, he lifted it clear of the satellite and began to set course for the home world.


"It won't work," said Ensenstrom, "our race won't even have started to evolve by the time you get there." James pulled his gun out of its holster and pointed it at Ensenstrom.

"Stop this thing now!" he shouted.

"No," replied Ensenstrom, calmly.

"I will kill you!"

"Zon appoints each man his time of death, who am I to argue."

James pulled the trigger and Ensenstrom collapsed to the floor dead. The phase pulse of the blaster hit the magnetic field of a retention coil and ricochet back towards James who leaped out of his seat in time to see the beam destroy the flight control console. The ship shuddered again, and all power to the drive unit died. Free to float, the ship began to drift, slowly, at first but increasingly faster towards Earth.

"Algul!" exclaimed James again, running out of the bridge and
off towards the nearest fighter bay.

One of the first rules of existing in attenuated space, is not to move out of the attenuation field until it has synchronised again with real space. This is what James tried to do. He lifted his fighter off and flew out of the landing bay, straight at the field wall, as his fighter hit the wall, there was a bang and the control console began to smoke. parts of the hull surface disintegrated as its atoms fought for
existence over the microscopic dust particles that were floating around in real space. Most people think this kind of thing creates a new big bang, it doesn't. The losing particle sheds all its mass and becomes a pure quantum packet of energy. Light! James screamed and tried to cover his eyes, but the intensity of light being given off was too much, he was instantly blinded, and his skin started smoking from radiation burns. The fighter's power system died, leaving a blind and screaming James in utter darkness after the light as the fighter was suddenly thrown back into real spacetime and hurtling uncontrollably towards Earth. The Body-wing design of the fighter, like a cat, instantly righted itself when it hit the planet's atmosphere and began an uncontrolled descent across the top of the world, slowing under the friction burn up of its outer hull. James, barely conscious, crashed to Earth, near a little known town called Roswell in 1947. He survived for about half an hour after the crash, and his body, (though you would never recognise it), has been pickled ever since at area 51.

The mothership continued to drift towards Earth at an ever increasing speed, and an ever increasing pace backwards in time. It eventually hit Earth, detonating the Domesday device about 65 million years ago near a place in South America that would eventually come to be called Chiexulub. Which is a pity, because if it hadn't, the human race would never have evolved, and the Earth would have been ruled by a lizard species that the leader might have liked.